Mario Zappia

About Mario Zappia

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Father’s Day

Mario Zappia June 18, 2017 Courtroom attire children, divorce, father

Father’s Day is a day meant for celebration. A depiction might include Mom, Dad, the kids, maybe grandparents. Dad is manning the grill, beaming with pride over his newly acquired “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt. The family gathers over their meal, lavishing cards and hugs upon Dad. It’s idyllic.

But it’s not always reality.

Divorce, custody, death, distance, even jail. Whether you’re the Father separated from his children, or you’re away from your own Father on Father’s Day, the absence can be emotionally heavy.

If you are without your children on Father’s Day:

Whatever the reason, absence does not erase your part in creating your perfect little humans. Nor does that fact make the distance between you easier. The best thing you can do when you’re aching to embrace your children, is to take care of yourself. We have all heard the spiel from flight attendants before a flight, reminding us to be sure to fasten our own oxygen masks before attempting to help anyone else with theirs. There will come a time when you are reunited with your children, and you will want to be at your best for them.

Spend your day waking up late, reading a book, taking a long shower, hit the gym, get a massage. Take care of yourself.

If you are without your Father on Father’s Day:

If you have your own children, that can certainly dull the sting of being without your Father on Father’s Day. Even still, it can be hard not to feel a sense of loss. If possible, give Dad a call. Though a phone call can’t make up for a lack of in-person affection, the gesture helps. Dad knows you’re thinking about him.

What about those who never had a Father:

Its natural to still feel a loss from a lack of relationship, but this is another instance where self-care is imperative. Their lack of involvement does not reflect your worth. And if you have your own children now, it certainly does not affect your ability as a Father. Happy Father’s day to you.

Backburner relationships

Mario Zappia June 11, 2017 Courtroom attire divorce, infidelity, marriage, relationships

With technology being a facet of our global culture, and the majority of the US population having a social media account, it’s easier than ever to maintain relationships online.

It could be the Aunt who lives across the country who posts little birthday messages to your Facebook page. It could be the former coworker you occasionally chat with via text. Or it could be a backburner relationship.

Backburner relationships can start off as simply as finding an old flame online and catching up. But what might begin as casually reminiscing can quickly change course, in terms of intent. If you valued them as a friend, wouldn’t you have already maintained contact? Or is the purpose a potential re-ignition?

A wedding ring sits on a laptop keyboard

Backburner relationships can also start with complete strangers. Someone ‘likes’ your new profile picture. You like theirs back. And suddenly, a private online conversation is in full swing. With your dialog, the two of you learn that you have a lot in common and obviously find each other attractive. But why feel out the potential connection with someone else if you’re in a relationship?

Whether intentionally or subconsciously, many are seeking outside connections as a form of relationship insurance. Backburners.

As humans, there is evidence showing it is natural for us to be ‘aware’ of our relationship options. It’s what we do with that information that counts.

The glaring problem with setting up a back up relationship is that it is creating an emotional relationship with someone new. Emotional infidelity is just as damaging as physically cheating. It’s building a wedge between you and your partner for a “maybe”. It’s setting your chosen relationship up for failure.

Home Alone

Mario Zappia June 3, 2017 Courtroom attire children, indiana, parenting

A question we hear a lot is, “At what age is it legally appropriate to leave my child home alone?” The short answer is that in Indiana, legally, there is no magic number. Leaving children home alone should be based on a variety of factors, including age, but certainly not limited to.

Instead of choosing an arbitrary age to decide if your child is old enough to stay home alone, there are some things to consider:

Do they feel ready to stay home alone?

First and foremost, if your child is not confident in their own ability to be alone, it is not appropriate for them to be alone. Regardless of the age the child’s siblings may have been left alone, each child develops at his or her own pace.

Is your child aware of what to do in an emergency?

Accidents happen, even in well prepared homes. Does your child know his or her address? Do they know the protocol on what to do if there is a fire? Do they have a nearby adult who they can go to should they need help?

Do they know how to reach you?

Does the child have access to a phone, and know how to reach you on yours? Does the child know who you’re with and when you’ll be back?

and finally,

Is the child likely to follow the rules you’ve laid out?

If your child is unlikely to follow rules when you’re around, leaving them alone is certainly not going to make them fall in line. You can lay out as many safety measures as you want and go over countless role playing scenarios to prepare them, the bottom line is, if your child has trouble following instructions or orders while you’re with them, you cannot expect them to behave on their own.

If you and your child have discussed the prospect of being home alone and you’ve both decided the child is ready, you’re now free to formulate a safety plan and lay out the ground rules. And remember, just as readiness to stay home alone varies, the rule book should be customized for each child.

Gaslighting

Mario Zappia May 20, 2017 Courtroom attire abuse, divorce, marriage, relationships

Abusive relationships do not always come with a black eye. Emotional abuse, while often less obvious, can have an equally damaging impact.

One such method of emotional abuse is called Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a term that came from a 1938 British play, Gas Light, in which a woman virtually watches her own sanity crumble after her husband uses deception and manipulation to play mind games for his benefit.

The idea behind gaslighting is to make the victim doubt their own sanity. In the play, the husband goes around dimming the (gas) lights, while assuring the wife that they haven’t been lowered and that she’s imagining things. In every day life, an person engaging in gaslighting may call their victim names, only to deny having done it. They may fail to inform the victim of an important event coming up in order to gain the upper hand when the victim unknowingly doesn’t show up to the event. They may lie, leave facts out, and use aggressive tones, only to deny. The idea is to build a foundation of insecurity.

The gaslighter feeds off of the guilt and confusion the victim feels. The gaslighter’s sense of accomplishment directly relates to how apologetic and dependent their victim feels. The gaslighter’s ultimate goal is to foster the victim’s dependency by crushing their own perception and self esteem.

Gaslighting is a real form of abuse, and it can be severely damaging. The disorientation the victim feels from questioning the validity of their experience is mind altering.

Learn more about the signs of gaslighting to help yourself or someone you care about.

Transgender Rights and the Law

Mario Zappia May 12, 2017 Courtroom attire

The transgender community is a marginalized group. Even their right to use public restrooms have been a heated topic of debate. According to the 2015 Trans Survey, transgender people face a large number of obstacles in reaching for equality, including:

High rates of suicide
High rate of homelessness
High rates of unemployment and job discrimination
High rates of targeted violence

With those rates of violence and discrimination, it’s not difficult to gather that there are aspects of family law that pose their own complications.

Ensuring an individual’s identified gender is on their birth certificate, driver’s licenses, social security cards, and even passports can be important to avoid being “outed” in the workplace. More important still, being correctly gendered on official documents can be an important way to prevent violence.

Within divorce, parenting time, and paternity, being transgender can come with it’s own struggles. A person’s transition can bring contention from the other party, whether spouse or co-parent. Parenting rights are threatened often, citing mental instability or immorality in general, and using outdated, biased references when doing so.

Having a skilled attorney as an advocate when transitioning can not only make the navigation process that much smoother, it can help to ensure safety and rights.

Co-parenting peacefully at a soccer game

Custody and Divorce in Indiana

Mario Zappia May 2, 2017 custody, divorce, parenting time co-parenting, custody, divorce, parenting time

When it comes to custody and divorce, Indiana follows a guideline of parenting time recommendations. Despite some misconceptions, Mom is not given an automatic arbitrary preference over Dad. The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines state that children need ample time with both parents in order to thrive. The concept implemented in these guidelines adheres to the idea that BOTH parents should have a base of minimum time with which they are entitled to spend with their children. This concept is not a limitation, rather, it is a base from which to start.

As implied by the name, the parenting time guidelines are just that – guidelines. Maintaining flexibility within parenting time schedules is vital to it’s success. Going into a co-parenting relationship with rigid demands puts the focus on entitlement between adults and takes it off of what matters most – the children.

The beginning of a newly divided home can feel chaotic, causing us and our children to crave structure and order. Parenting time schedules can provide that desired structure, for at least one facet of life, for parents and children.

As time passes, and the dynamic of the co-parenting relationship forms, perhaps the rigidity of the parenting time schedule can be softened.

Why mediation?

Mario Zappia April 22, 2017 mediation co-parenting, divorce, litigation, mediation

When it comes to divorce and parenting, mediation has been gaining steady traction as a popular choice over the process of litigation. Mediation places the parties involved in the presence of a neutral third party, making choices in a collaborative manner. While mediation might not be the best fit for every circumstance, often, it is the most mutually beneficial choice. What gives mediation an edge over litigation?

1. Mediation invites the parties involved to be active participants in what decisions are made. Rather than a judge deciding what school is best for your child, you and the other parent decide. Rather than a judge deciding who deserves the wedding china, you and your former partner come together to make that choice together.

2. Costs in mediation tend to be much lower, as multiple trips to Court can add up quickly. Also, though you can still hire a private lawyer to consult with in mediation, it is still possible to seek mediation without representation.

3. Unlike litigation, mediation is not subject to public record. Your private life stays your private life.

4. It sets the bar for the rest of your co-parenting life. Though you may be divorcing, you remain parents. The more quickly you and your co-parent acclimate to compromise in a respectful manner, the better off your children will be.

5. Because everyone involved is an active participant in the choices made during mediation, there is a far greater chance that everyone will comply with the agreement. Both parties having a hand in the process ensures they are invested in following through with the terms of mediation.

Co-Parenting

Mario Zappia April 12, 2017 Courtroom attire children, co-parenting, coparenting, custody, divorce

The process of divorce can be arduous, not only for the couple deciding to end their relationship, but also for any children involved. The stakes are high, when it comes to custody. A good co-parenting relationship is optimal for the children’s well-being.

It is important to recognize that you still form a family unit. Though your romantic relationship may have fizzled, remember that you are building a new relationship. This reinvention should be grounded with respect, patience, empathy, and open communication. Your former spouse may do things a little differently than you do, but always being respectful to them will give your children the consistency they deserve.

Divorce and social media

Mario Zappia April 5, 2017 Courtroom attire

In the midst of the current social media boom, it’s important to take into consideration the consequences of adopting an “open door” stance on the web. More and more, attorneys are utilizing Facebook as a source of evidence, particularly in family law. Social media profiles can be scoured and picked apart to demonstrate the short-comings of either husband or wife, through pictures, messages, and “likes”.Further, Facebook and other social media has become something of a catalyst for extra marital affairs. With the click of a mouse, you are in instant contact with an old flame. Or new. When it comes to social media and marriage, tread lightly and remember, nothing is private anymore.

About Mario J. Zappia, Attorney at Law

Mario Zappia March 30, 2017 Courtroom attire about, attorney, mario

He is a life long resident of Indiana. After graduating from St. Joseph High School in South Bend he went on to attend Northwestern University where he played football and received his B.A. in Political Science. From there he received his law degree from Valparaiso University.

He has served on the board of governors for the St. Joseph County Bar Association since 1995 and was President from September 2001 to June 2003. He has been the Attorney for the St. Joseph County Solid Waste Management District since 1991 where he helped implement a county wide recycling program. He is a member of the Family Law Section of the American Bar Association and the Indiana State Bar Association. He is also a Certified Family Law Specialist – Family Law Certification Board and a Registered Domestic Relations Mediator. He has been practicing law for 24 years and primarily focusing families.

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