Gas Light poster

Gaslighting

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Abusive relationships do not always come with a black eye. Emotional abuse, while often less obvious, can have an equally damaging impact.

One such method of emotional abuse is called Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a term that came from a 1938 British play, Gas Light, in which a woman virtually watches her own sanity crumble after her husband uses deception and manipulation to play mind games for his benefit.

Gas Light poster
Gas Light Poster

The idea behind gaslighting is to make the victim doubt their own sanity. In the play, the husband goes around dimming the (gas) lights, while assuring the wife that they haven’t been lowered and that she’s imagining things.  In every day life, an person engaging in gaslighting may call their victim names, only to deny having done it. They may fail to inform the victim of an important event coming up in order to gain the upper hand when the victim unknowingly doesn’t show up to the event. They may lie, leave facts out, and use aggressive tones, only to deny. The idea is to build a foundation of insecurity.

The gaslighter feeds off of the guilt and confusion the victim feels. The gaslighter’s sense of accomplishment directly relates to how apologetic and dependent their victim feels. The gaslighter’s ultimate goal is to foster the victim’s dependency by crushing their own perception and self esteem.

Gaslighting is a real form of abuse, and it can be severely damaging. The disorientation the victim feels from questioning the validity of their experience is mind altering.

Learn more about the signs of gaslighting to help yourself or someone you care about.

Transgender Rights and the Law

The transgender community is a marginalized group. Even their right to use public restrooms have been a heated topic of debate. According to the 2015 Trans Survey, transgender people face a large number of obstacles in reaching for equality, including:

  • High rates of suicide
  • High rate of homelessness
  • High rates of unemployment and job discrimination
  • High rates of targeted violence

With those rates of violence and discrimination, it’s not difficult to gather that there are aspects of family law that pose their own complications.

Ensuring an individual’s identified gender is on their birth certificate, driver’s licenses, social security cards, and even passports can be important to avoid being “outed” in the workplace. More important still, being correctly gendered on official documents can be an important way to prevent violence.

 

Transgender Flag
Transgender Flag

Within divorce, parenting time, and paternity, being transgender can come with it’s own struggles. A person’s transition can bring contention from the other party, whether spouse or co-parent. Parenting rights are threatened  often, citing mental instability or immorality in general, and using outdated, biased references when doing so.

Having a skilled attorney as an advocate when transitioning can not only make the navigation process that much smoother, it can help to ensure safety and rights.

 

 

Co-parenting peacefully at a soccer game

Custody and Divorce in Indiana

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When it comes to custody and divorce, Indiana follows a guideline of parenting time recommendations. Despite some misconceptions, Mom is not given an automatic arbitrary preference over Dad. The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines state that children need ample time with both parents in order to thrive.  The concept implemented in these guidelines adheres to the idea that BOTH  parents should have a base of minimum time with which they are entitled to spend with their children. This concept is not a limitation, rather, it is a base from which to start.

 

Co-parenting at a soccer game

As implied by the name, the parenting time guidelines are just that – guidelines. Maintaining flexibility within parenting time schedules is vital to it’s success. Going into a co-parenting relationship with rigid demands  puts the focus on entitlement between adults and takes it off of what matters most – the children.

The beginning of a newly divided home can feel chaotic, causing us and our children to crave structure and order. Parenting time schedules can provide that desired structure, for at least one facet of life, for parents and children.

As time passes, and the dynamic of the co-parenting relationship forms, perhaps the rigidity of the parenting time schedule can be softened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mediation

Why mediation?

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When it comes to divorce and parenting, mediation has been gaining steady traction as a popular choice over the process of litigation. Mediation places the parties involved in the presence of a neutral third party, making choices in a collaborative manner. While mediation might not be the best fit for every circumstance, often, it is the most mutually beneficial choice. What gives mediation an edge over litigation?

 

mediation-win-win-situation

 

1.  Mediation invites the parties involved to be active participants in what decisions are made. Rather than a judge deciding what school is best for your child, you and the other parent decide. Rather than a judge deciding who deserves the wedding china, you and your former partner come together to make that choice together.

2. Costs in mediation tend to be much lower, as multiple trips to Court can add up quickly. Also, though you can still hire a private lawyer to consult with in mediation, it is still possible to seek mediation without representation.

3. Unlike litigation, mediation is not subject to public record. Your private life stays your private life.

4. It sets the bar for the rest of your co-parenting life. Though you may be divorcing, you remain parents. The more quickly you and your co-parent acclimate to compromise in a respectful manner, the better off your children will be.

5. Because everyone involved is an active participant in the choices made during mediation, there is a far greater chance that everyone will comply with the agreement. Both parties having a hand in the process ensures they are invested in following through with the terms of  mediation.

Peaceful Co-Parenting

Co-Parenting

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The process of divorce can be arduous, not only for the couple deciding to end their relationship, but also for any children involved. The stakes are high, when it comes to custody. A good co-parenting relationship is optimal for the children’s well-being.

Peaceful Co-Parenting
Co-Parenting

 

It is important to recognize that you still form a family unit. Though your romantic relationship may have fizzled, remember that you are building a new relationship. This reinvention  should be grounded with respect, patience, empathy, and open communication.  Your former spouse may do things a little differently than you do, but always being  respectful to them will give your children the consistency  they deserve.

Facebook

Divorce and social media

Facebook

In the midst of the current social media boom, it’s important to take into consideration the consequences of adopting an “open door” stance on the web. More and more, attorneys are utilizing Facebook as a source of evidence, particularly in family law. Social media profiles can be scoured and picked apart to demonstrate the short-comings of  either husband or wife, through pictures, messages, and “likes”.Further, Facebook and other social media has become something of a catalyst for extra marital affairs. With the click of a mouse, you are in instant contact with an old flame. Or new.  When it comes to social media and marriage, tread lightly and remember, nothing is private anymore.

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