What is a deal breaker? A deal breaker is a list of disqualifications in a partner.
On the Mario J. Zappia Attorney at Law Facebook page last week, we talked about infidelity and it’s status as a deal breaker. While some people are able to write off infidelity, most agreed that infidelity is a deal breaker.
While it’s true that this list is subjective, as humans we are designed to weed out partners that could be deemed as unsafe. We find safety in going with a partner who has the fewest negative traits.
Studies also show that even people with some fairly optimal traits (good looks, intelligence) can have trouble maintaining relationships because their good traits are heavily eclipsed by their bad traits (impulsivity, lack of ambition)
When considering the idea of pursuing a divorce, certainly the question of how it will affect the children arises. Is the divorce going to destroy the children? In a word, no. But, that is not to say that divorce does not provide an impact to children at any age.
One perspective is that parents of infants or young toddlers may have an advantage over older children because the children are too young to understand a change is happening. In reality, babies require a different set of considerations when it comes to divorce. For instance, more frequent, short visits are better for parenting time with an infant or young toddler. Overnight visits may be more of a hindrance than beneficial. Not to mention, as soon as object permanence has developed, babies notice when mom or dad is not around. And while they may notice something has changed, they lack the ability to verbalize that it’s bothering them.
For parents of school aged children, divorce can have a negative impact on behavior at both home and school. School is frequently the environment where children display the distress that comes with divorce. These children typically have a sense that they have no control in the situation that their family is going through. They often display this lack of control by acting out in aggression, regression, withdraw, and defiance. In addition, these kids have the mental wherewithal to understand that one or both of their parents have made the choice to no longer live together as a family. That can leave kids with fears of abandonment and self blame.
What can you do? As with most scenarios, the best way to soften the blow of divorce at any age is to be sensitive to your child and their needs. They need security, they need continuity, they need routine, and they need their parents to be kind to each other in their presence.
At the Mario J. Zappia Law Office, during consultations for divorce and paternity matters, we are asked “How can I get custody of my children?”
Whether the question is legal custody or physical custody, the State of Indiana takes several factors into account. The State of Indiana states that custody is determined by what is in the best interests of the child. While there is a preconceived notion that the State of Indiana favors the mother when it comes to custody, that is not accurate. Most often, the best interests of the child are to have consistent loving relationships with both parents.
So, aside from general involvement from both parents, how does Indiana decide what is in the best interest of the child? Each party’s attorney presents their case and the judge considers the information based on the parameters Indiana has set forth.
The State of Indiana considers everything from siblings, age and sex of the child, where the child goes to school, and the mental health of both parents.
The State of Indiana also takes into consideration the people and family members the child will come in contact with in each of their parent’s residences. For instance, if one party is parading new partners into the home during scheduled parenting time, the Court is likely to take a dim view on the stability of that home.
In some instances, in a divorce or custody matter, the judge may decide that the children involved need their own advocate, aside from their parent’s attorneys. This advocate, called a Guardian Ad Litem, collects information from all parties, including the child, and compiles a report. This report then contains the Guardian Ad Litem’s recommendations to the Court in regard to what is believed to be the child(ren)’s best interest.
Whether you’re embarking on a divorce or a custody matter, getting trusted legal advice is of the utmost importance. Contact the Mario J. Zappia Law Office at (574)277-8720 for your completely confidential consultation.
“When should I write a will?” is a question we hear at Mario J. Zappia, Attorney at Law frequently. There is a common misconception that writing a will is something that is done when embarking on retirement age. This is not the case. With many of the following major milestones, contacting an attorney to either draft or revise your will is a wise decision.
Marriage/Divorce – With either marriage or divorce, most people change the listed beneficiary in their wills. While some people are under the impression that a divorce will automatically negate an ex spouse written in a will, that is simply not the case. Revising your will to reflect your spouse, or lack thereof, is a measure taken to ensure your assets are going where you believe they should.
Having Children – Updating your will with the birth of your children is important not only for the purposes of delegating who gets your assets, but also for the purpose of naming a guardian for underage minor children.
Re-Marriage/Divorce – Though marriage and divorce has already been listed, it is important to note that subsequent marriages present their own special set of circumstances. Particularly, when it comes to blended families, naming guardians and asset allocation in a will can prevent potentially costly legal hassles. Updating a will to reflect both your current spouse and children resulting from this marriage and previous marriages will provide the clarity that is usually sought when drafting a will in the first place.
Illness/Accident – While no one necessarily wants to dwell on their mortality, death is an inevitable part of life. A brush with death in any form tends to cause us to evaluate our wishes and the needs of those we will be leaving behind. Writing a will can alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with thoughts of our own mortality in that it allows you to provide for your loved ones.
Accretion of assets – whenever your assets increase, by way of real estate, business, property, or even just cash, it’s important to revise your will to reflect your worth.
Call South Bend Attorney, Mario J. Zappia at (574)277-8720 to draft a will to meet your needs.
A common question we hear at Mario J. Zappia, Attorney at Law is, “When should I call a lawyer?” Whether you are just contemplating divorce, or you have already made the decision to proceed with calling it quits, contacting an experienced divorce attorney is always the smartest decision to make.
In this age of technology, it can be tempting to consider utilizing websites like LegalZoom, Rocket Lawyer and the like and forego legal representation entirely. And when people ask us at Mario J. Zappia, Attorney at Law, “Why can’t I just use an online legal service to get a divorce?”, we have a pretty simple answer: Online legal services are simply a fill-in-the-blanks style approach on various legal proceedings.
Can you technically get a divorce using an online legal service?
Probably.
Is it wise?
Certainly not.
Online legal services lack the ability to legally advise you. There is a lot at stake in a divorce. Tightening the purse strings to avoid paying for advice and representation to end your legal agreement with your spouse could prove to be disastrous.
“How much child support should I be paying?”
“What happens to our house when the divorce is final?”
“Can I be ordered to pay alimony in Indiana?”
“How does infidelity on either side affect who gets custody of the children?”
“Can I keep my retirement account?”
“Why do I need a separate lawyer if my spouse already has one?”
These are just some of the most common questions we get asked at Mario J. Zappia, Attorney at Law. Without experienced legal representation, you are putting yourself in peril of losing everything you are legally entitled to in a divorce. You could be risking not only physical and financial assets, but you could also be saddling yourself with more liability than is wise.
After a divorce is finalized, there are still steps to be taken for the parties to go their separate ways. While many people open up a separate bank account when they decide divorce is the route they plan to take, there are other assets that require a Property Settlement Agreement (PSA) and Divorce Decree signed by the judge to proceed with division.
As soon as the divorce is final, it is important to obtain several copies of the Decree and PSA, complete with a raised seal and signatures from the Court. If either of the parties has changed their name in marriage and wishes to change it back, these documents will be necessary to restore their former name. Once the Social Security Administration and Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles processes these documents, modified Identification is issued.
With the newly obtained Social Security Card and either Indiana State Identification or Indiana Drivers Licenses, as well as the Decree and PSA, credit cards and bank accounts can be modified with the appropriate names, and divided according to the agreed upon terms.
In terms of retirement accounts and real estate, documents in addition to the Decree and PSA will be required to complete the division.
Some retirement accounts are divided with a Qualified Domestic Relations Order QDRO). QDROs, which essentially act as addenda to the Decree and PSA, recognize an alternate payee (former spouse)’s interest in a retirement account. QDROs are signed Orders from the Court, granting the division of a retirement account, as spelled out the PSA. Once the QDRO is signed, it can be sent to the account holder’s employer and processed by human resources for implementation.
If a couple divorces and they still share interest in real estate, it should be decided if one party will keep the real estate or it it should be sold to divide the proceeds. If it is agreed that one party should keep the marital real estate, the party relinquishing their interest should execute a Quitclaim Deed.
In Indiana, the subject of grandparent’s rights has become a hot topic issue. The growing drug epidemic in Indiana has ripped families apart. It has not only burdened the Indiana foster care system, it has also given grandparents a heavier load to bear by having to raise their grandchildren. This increasingly common societal trend has left many wonder, what rights do grandparents have in Indiana?
In the instance of grandparents who have been granted custody of their grandchildren due to the parent’s inability to adequately provide a stable home, grandparent’s rights are more clearly established. The Courts have already decided that a grandparent/grandchild relationship is in the child’s best interests. And even in the best circumstance, Mom and Dad turn their lives around and Parent/Child are reunited, the Courts will likely look at the relationship already established and encourage visitation in the child’s best interest.
But what about those grandparents who have never had to step up to the parenting plate, in regard to parenting their own grandchildren. In Indiana, are grandparents legally entitled to visitation with their grandchildren?
That could depend on a few different factors.
If the parents are married, the Court will not order the parents to provide visits to the grandparents. Because parents have a constitutional right to raise their children as they see fit, the Courts will not step and decide for them that the grandparents are entitled to involvement. The visitation grandparents receive when the parents are married is purely at the parent’s discretion. If the parents are divorced, or have never been married, that opens the door for potential visitation, granting the paternity has been established within the Court.
If one or both parents is dead, then grandparents in Indiana may have a leg to stand on in terms of Court Ordered visitation with their grandchildren.
If it is in the best interest of the child. At the end of the day, the Court’s ultimate goal is to act in the best interests of the child involved. If the grandparents had been involved in the child’s life.
Regardless of the circumstance, attempting to establish grandparent’s rights in Indiana can be a tricky process. Having an experienced attorney will be vital for success.
Indiana is a state that favors both parents equally. In the best interest of the child, meaningful relationships with both parents is the standard. In the eyes of the law, a married mother and father in Indiana start out with joint legal custody. Meaning, both parents share equal rights to their children.
Historically, there has been an assumption that mothers are automatically granted custody of the children by default. However, with more mothers working, and more men moving beyond the title of “family breadwinner, taking on more aspects of childcare responsibility, custody is fair game between the sexes.
While equal involvement from both parents is ideal, in some cases, the Courts may decide that it is in the children’s best interest for the father to have custody instead of mother. Statistics show that 50% of the time, men are awarded custody of the children in a divorce.
So, how does a mother lose custody in Indiana?
Lack of involvement – If the court can see that the mother is neither the primary caretaker, the parent meeting most of the child’s basic needs, or even an active participant in the child’s life, granting custody to the parent who hasbeen involved on a consistent basis is likely.
Alcohol or substance abuse – Abusing drugs or alcohol is a surefire way for a mother to lose custody of a child in Indiana. Any parent using illegal drugs, whether in the presence of their child or not, is risking the custody of their child.
Domestic abuse – First, abuse in the presence of the child will result in an investigation of neglect by the Indiana Department of Child Services. Physical aggression, even with a female perpetrator, is domestic violence. A mother can lose custody in Indiana for being physically abusive to her children’s father.
Online activity – In the age of technology, there is a virtual paper trail with every click of a mouse we make. Not making responsible choices with posting online content, such as posting videos of irresponsible behavior, or even chronic disparaging remarks about the other parent can lend to a mother losing custody in Indiana. Certainly one instance of badmouthing the other parent on social media isn’t all that it takes to lose custody, but flippant use of technology can help the other party build a case against the mother.
Discouraging the father/child relationship – If a mother does chronically make disparaging remarks about the father, online or otherwise, it can be seen as a form of interfering in the relationship between father and child. The Court will, at very least, issue a reprimand for interference in the father/child relationship, but it could also amount to a mother losing custody in Indiana when coupled with other factors.
When a mother faces losing legal custody in Indiana, one of the most important steps to consider is consulting with a seasoned family attorney. Once the attorney has gotten all of the information, and gives their opinion, following their advice is imperative. The advice given from an experienced family attorney could mean the difference of whether or not a mother loses her child.
With U.S. divorce rates at their lowest point in decades, the moral acceptability of divorce is surging to an all time high. At 73%, statistics are showing that divorce has gained steady momentum across all demographics, even the majority of people who consider themselves “very religious”.
This gradual shift in moral acceptance of divorce signifies a change in our societal view of marriage. Marriage, an institution that was once the standard for building a life together has become a formality that a growing number of people choose not to pursue.
‘Oh darling, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! But please do not impute or infer any intentions from that comment.’
In it’s place, many people are instead choosing to cohabitate. The lack of a legally recognized relationship has not hindered millions of couples across the U.S. from buying homes, having children, and growing old together. Cohabitating couples are building lives together, going on vacations together, buying dogs together, and having children together just like married couples. And yes, cohabitating couples sometimes break up, just like married couples.
Cohabitation Agreement
When a relationship that is not legally recognized comes to an end, the discuss of “who gets what” can become murky. In terms of entitlement, division of assets is not necessarily as clear cut as it would be in a divorce.
With this in mind, many couples are choosing to have Cohabitation Agreements prepared. These legal contracts, much like Prenuptial Agreements, are designed to document which assets and debts should go to each party, should the cohabitation break down. A Cohabitation Agreement provides an unmarried couple some of the same legal benefits extended to married couples.
While Cohabitation Agreements are smart for nearly everyone cohabitating with a romantic partner, there are some instances where the stakes of not having one are even higher:
business owners
those intending to cohabitate long term
those with substantial amounts of money
those with children
those with significant debt
those with shared real estate
those who gave up a career to raise children
those with retirement accounts
While staying out of the judicial system altogether can be tempting, more and more couples are finding that having some legal protection with a Cohabitation Agreement is the best way to get the best of both worlds.
Anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows that laying someone to rest can often be a complicated process. On top of grief that naturally goes along with losing someone, there are plans to make, belongings to sort through, and details to finalize, not least of which are financial. The process is that much more arduous when the deceased did not plan their estate.
Estate planning is not just for the wealthy, who have large sums of money waiting for their families. Contrary to popular belief, nearly everyone has an estate. An estate is comprised of everything you own when you die, from personal belongings to real estate, to bank accounts. When the wishes of the deceased are not spelled out in black and white in a will, things can get divided up in the standard way as defined by law – which is often not what is necessarily desired.
The importance of estate planning can not be understated
If the deceased had minor children in their custody, having a will is imperative to secure their placement with the desired guardians. It is easy to assume grandparents or some other relative might step up to the plate in a position of loss, but that is not always the case. The Court may step in and make the decision to place the minor child with a family member that it sees as most fit.
In terms of financial accounts, jointly held accounts are more cut and dry. When one party dies, the other party becomes the sole owner. But what about accounts held in one party’s name alone? Depending on the state of residence and the laws therein, one party may only get half and the other half goes to the children. While this might seem like a reasonable division, the other half could go to the children even if they are minors, with the funds held in trust until they reach adulthood. This may or may not be ideal.
Some of these situations might not be worst case scenario, but the common theme within them is the fact that important decisions are being made without consulting the deceased.
In life, we are vigilant about caring for our loved ones, making sure our children are provided for. We may research schools for our children, looking for the absolute best education possible for them to have a good start in life. We may plan our meals to be healthy, low in cholesterol, avoiding trans fats, because we want our partner to be well taken care of and living their best life. Why do we stop short there? Estate planning is a way of making sure the ones closest to us are well taken care of, even in our absence.
